Snap, Crackle, and Popular Culture

Bobby Jindal gave me the creeps tonight with his republican follow-up speech after President Obama’s oration. If you missed Jindal’s speech, watch it here- it’s the most awkward thing since potatos developed mange.* Jindal is quite possibly the only human that I actually feel comfortable saying looks like a cartoon. He is the incarnation of Alfred E. Neuman and the Genie from Disney’s Aladin. 

During the 1980’s Joe Biden didn’t exist. Well, not as Joe Biden at least- but rather, as Max Headroom. Max Headroom is the obsolete archetype of artificial intelligence with a twist of bitchin. Today, Joe Biden ain’t bitchin. He’s Bitching. That’s what happens when you get old. You are no longer cool and you begin to complain. 

President Obama’s speech was good. That is my opinion. And if you stop to ask me what I thought of his speech, I will tell you “You know [insert your full name here], I thought the speech was good.” When you ask me why, I will tell you something about how he seemed “in touch” with what’s going on, and how he “get’s it.” I will probably repeat this until I am confident that you are either: 1. Extremely upset with my answer, or 2. Completely unimpressed with my answer. 

These things are not important- not now at least. But, I reserve the opinion that at some point in the future they may be regarded as such.

This leads me to what is important now and will probably not be at some point in the future. That is, this blog now has an alternative address which you may access by going to: www.saynotohollywood.com - Tell your friends. Subscribe by clicking the link just below the banner at the top of the page. 

*reference taken from Hunter Thompson.

If I were to sit next to Dr. Kevorkian while playing bingo, I would just assume he is another demented elder upset with things such as: incontinence, adolescent laziness, and the ever increasing cost of milk.

But, after walking out on Dr. Kevorkian during his public speech tonight, I can assure you of several things. First, I have never sat next to this individual while playing bingo. Second,  he doesn’t think about pissing himself, he thinks about how he can piss you off. Thirdly, he doesn’t think about the lazy youth because he, himself is an activist. Finally, and probably most important, everyone has thought about how expensive milk is.

Disliking Kevo because he has aided in the death of over 100 people is cliche. Liking Dr. K because he is an activist is chic. My opinion is that he is a phony anarchist who is trying to change society the wrong way.

Dr. K is upset with the American system. Ok, well maybe “upset” is not an appropriate word to use. He is what some people might describe as “fucking ticked!” And it is not unfathomable to imagine that eight years in the big house might do that to someone. But lets get to the point. Dr. K was not jailed because he hates the American system, Kevo was jailed because he broke the law. It’s simple. Kevo had his medical license taken away from him, and subsequently was found administering a lethal injection to an individual on prime-time television.

Kevo has plans though, and these plans he calls “projects.” These “projects” are part of a larger scheme that he has to try and seek his revenge on America. So, what does he do? He publishes books for the thoughtless, and tours America giving speeches while making tons of money. Nothing says “I hate America” more than actually taking advantage of the freedoms that America has to offer.

People fill auditoriums and theaters to hear Kevo talk and it isn’t until he opens his mouth that you actually start to understand that this individual is preaching to feeble minded individuals with passionate sensationalism out of hope to get them to join his army of “free thinkers.”But these people aren’t free thinkers, and folks- neither is he.

John Stuart Mill would have understood Dr. K’s concerns. But, Mill came up with an idea known as The Harm Principle. I suggest that this is a workable medium between America’s freedom and Kevo’s discontents. This is the idea that while the individual should be free from overreaching paternalism by the state in this individual’s personal life, the state is justified in interfering with an individual when he becomes a threat to others.

Kevo is an archetypal anarchist. An anarchist who believes in capitalism, but an anarchist nonetheless. When he speaks, he spews half-truths, hoping to “shock [many people's] conscious[es].” Dr. K is a strong believer in “natural rights” and without writing a thesis on natural rights- for the purposes of this article we will understand natural rights as “those rights given to humans for simply being human.” In other words, These are rights that you are born with. Kevo disavows man-made rights. Again, for purposes of this article, man-made rights are “those rights which man has invented to protect man from none other than himself.” Get it? If not, let me give you an example so that we can move on.

Natural Right: Man is to be his own decision maker, free from any constraints. Paraphrasing the famous aphorism “Man was born free, but everywhere in chains.”

Man-Made Right: The right to a jury trial (under certain circumstances).

Individuals often become confused because they have a difficult time divorcing morality from man-made law. So, in a sense Kevo believes that all civilized people are sheep, and that we can live together peacefully under the auspices of “natural right(s) theory.” Let me just point out a few flaws so that I can get on with the rest of this dreadful article.

First, Natural rights are an idea, made up by none other than- you guessed it, man. Kurt Godel would have a problem with this- take my word for it.

Secondly, it is odd that natural rights tend to change according to culture. This is known as cultural relativism. So, the problem becomes: If these inalienable rights were bestowed on man from the laws of nature, how come they tend to change according to different cultural interpretations? Are some humans less “natural” than others? Shouldn’t this be static?

Third, in the 18th century this dead dude articulated an idea called The Social Contract. The social contract accepts for whatever reasons, that man may have natural rights. But, the fundamentals of social contract theory is that Man gives up some of these “rights” for protection from the sovereign. This dead dude is actually Jean Jacques Rosseau. And the next time you are at Burger King eating your hamburger without a worry that it might get snatched from your paws and eaten by someone bigger than you, thank this guy.

Finally, while Kevo likes to sound humble and intelligent, he forgot about Thomas Hobbes. Hobbes is known for many things, but most importantly the Hobbesian state of nature. Hobbes got it. He understood the concerns of natural law proponents, and fired back by saying. “Um, er- Hey guys, listen. I understand that people want to be left up to their own devices but inherently people are pretty gnarly. If left up to their own devises, most will desire power through greed and will take what they can from whomever they can. People are selfish, self-serving, and self-seeking. ‘In the state of nature, life is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short.’” I think this statement is true, just look at Wallstreet bankers- imagine how much worse this debacle would have been without a civilized system! Not everyone gets to be escorted by four body guards like Dr. K- which makes me think that even he doesn’t really believe in the crap he spews.

Kevo tends to start with “facts”, or rather, ideas which he believes and portrays to be facts. Here is one of them : “Did you know that the 9th Amendment has never been used?” No, I didn’t know that. And the only reason I did not have previous knowledge of that question/statement is because it is NOT TRUE. Actually, the 9th amendment has been the lynchpin in many Supreme Court decisions (See Roe v. Wade). More specifically, this amendment enables us to have developed the constitutional right of privacy. It should be noted that the constitution does not mention privacy or the right thereto anywhere. But, because if the 9th Amendment, it has enabled the supreme court to build syllogisms based on precedent to establish one of our most modern sacred rights. But, again this is just Kevo’s logos in action. Well, actually lack of logos I guess. 

Dr. K likes to superimpose modern America with Nazi germany. He cites the the constitution stating that “women always had the right to vote.” I would like for him to explain this to someone born without a penis who was considered a piece of property prior to 1920.

The American system revoked this individual’s license not because he was doing his job, but rather because he posed a harm to others. But, through the American system, we allow him to spew his hatred to suburban families, and make money doing it without interference.

The only question that I would like to have answered is: If you hate America Dr. K, why do you stay? Why not go to one of the many other countries you name as being “better”?