Snap, Crackle, and Popular Culture

Nancy Pelosi is sexy. Depression is imminent. And Depression is imminently sexy. 

Hopefully none of the above is true. 

This will be the second night that I mention Huckabee, and the only reason I want to mention him is because he blinks too much on television- this is the first of many signs that he is human.

But, here are the facts…

The “American people rejected this bailout.”  Ok, that’s not a fact, 228 to 205 is, and that’s no joke. And while I am a strong believer in the free market, I do find myself strangely attracted to some socialist policies and extremely disgusted with Dick Morris strictly because no one has found that corpulent bastard’s neck. And you know what they say about people with no neck… Check the back of a milk carton.

There is a lot that we have been taught, through history, about the errs of having an over-reaching government which is sometimes synonymous with oppression. And, I think that from hundreds of years ago until about 30 years past, that history was accurate. But, this is no longer so.  We have come to a time in human history where government might deserve another chance. No more monkey in the middle. Either get rid of government all together, or magnify it to the point that you wipe your ass with government subsidized toilet paper (with the history of government spending, it will be 4ply so don’t worry).

Oil is down. The Hurricane Ike Death toll is rising, and Obama has matched McCain in FL (47%). Scott Rasmussen is not pleasant to look at but his reports are- and that’s what counts. Numbers.

Numbers are the cause of this economic nightmare, numbers are the crystallization of dedication behind the polls, and numbers represent something called a “death toll.” And while there is nothing “inherent” behind these inert symbols- we instinctively rely on them to guide us through, eh, dare I say it? Life.

Good Night. 

Mike Huckabee gets a show on the Fox News Network, Elisabeth Hasselbeck is Americana, and the economy is in shambles. Did I miss something, because this is friggin’ AMAZING!

The secondary market has, for the time being, completely ruined American life- which translates into, after all the job losses, lack of promotions, and corporate “consolidation” – degradation of American culture.  It’s like America is grounded until we pay dad back for wrecking the family car- and by family car I mean, the war + - $700 Billion. Eh, I’ll get a second job- and so should you.

I know, I know- how cliché! Well, it’s not- really. And the only reason it’s not is because I am a registered republican. (I am going to pause here so that you can scoop up your chin from hitting the floor).

Lack of available capital leads to lack of experience. No more going to the movies, taking long drives, spending oodles of money to go see a band that does it for the music. Things that used to be fun, just plain suck. Now we sit at home and watch re-runs on television, or play wii. Woody Allen once said “don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.” Time to get intimate people!

Right now, I am watching an attractive middle-aged woman on Fox using dirty words like “investment banks,” “corporations,” “retirements,” “insurance,” “A.I.G.,” “401k,” and being “well diversified.” Mike Huckabee is asking her for advice on the state of the economy and I want to cry. There is some guy on the show wearing a sports coat, and glasses- he is, predictably bald. I have just found out that I hate him and you should too. This schmuck is giving economic advice like he saw it coming- just remember, hindsight is 20-20. These people are telling us nothing that we don’t already know.

Geraldine Ferraro is on every major network lately, she is riding Palin’s coattails. Palin fumbled the other day in her interview with Couric, and the Presidential debate was a waste. Huckabee is surprisingly a magnificent host, it seems as if he has been doing this, telling people nothing new, for years.  Wait. Be right back! SOMETHING BIG JUST HAPPENED.

HUCKABEE IS IN A FUCKING BAND! HE IS ABOUT TO PLAY A FIVE STRING ELECTRIC BASS IN A SUIT AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I WANT HIM IN THE WHITEHOUSE!

It’s getting late and I need to get to bed. I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow and look under my pillow to see what other institution has collapsed.

Sweet Dreams Carl Rove.