…”He swipped my butt like a credit card.”
N.O. teen calls drug search invasive
…”A man in an electric wheelchair robbed the Wachovia Bank at Stanford Shopping Center Thursday”
Bank robber uses ‘getaway wheelchair‘
…”Jessica Lang claimed a bra shebought at the mall “malfunctioned” and caused a cut in her chest andbreast “nearly six inches wide and six inches deep.”
South Carolina Woman Sues Victoria’s Secret Over Alleged Bra Injury
“Like most fanatics, he didn’t enjoy religion, he suffered from it.” - Spike Milligan
Teaching your children metaphysics, monadology,existentialism, epistemology, communism, anarchism, abortion* and other advanced tenets of philosophy at an early age is important and Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who offers a fantastic mind-fuck for children of all ages that will accomplish all of this in less than two hours.This film comes complimentary with intense psychedelic colors and in some scenes includes an adorable, furry animal that seems out of touch with reality. In fact, other than for laugh purposes, there is no reason to include such a dumb animal- but who cares, because it was a hoot!
In Horton, another not-so present message was the lingering notion of The Scopes Trial- the teaching of non orthodox thought in a public community. In this movie, Horton, an elephant, fends off an abusive kangaroo that likes to control what idea’s come in and out of her jungle in a cultish nightmare sorta-way. I was to use the word “cool” to describe it, but I am encouraged by my peers not to do so.
Though the kangaroo is somewhat reminiscent of a bible thumper, put next to Horton, both create the perfect science versus religion dichotomy.
Creating a group of “free-thinkers” is a bad thing, and Horton will show your children how to ostracize people encouraging such. In fact, Horton demonstrates through cartoonography why it isimportant to think like the rest of the common folk. Actually, to be fair, it teaches against this, though I am concerned that children will only understand the first half of the point and miss the main idea.
Actually, I don’t know what I am saying because this movie,as good as it was, is going to leave your vulnerable child thinking that thereare tiny people living in their own world, to be found in non-hygienic crevasse. This movie will explain life to your child, so you don’t have to. “Young Billy, if you think like the elephant in the movie, society will do the same to you that they do to the crazy conspiracy theorists mumbling on the sideof the road.”
Children are going to get trapped in the hall of mirrors, and soon find themselves in a coma.
So, If your child suddenly awakes you at 6:30 a.m. on aSunday morning explaining that they have heard people talking, whom live between their teeth, don’t be alarmed, its probably just the effects of this Horton. On the other hand, if your child, is over the age of 20, and admits to such things, it is encouraged that he seeks professional help.
*According to recent critics and news articles,“a life is a life, no matter how small.”
Everyone is thinking it, but no one dares to say it- so, let me be the first. Owen Wilson’s nose is a biological fumble. It looks like a midget with nubs for hands molded Owen’s schnaz out of play-dough and then let a puppy gnaw on it. To be honest, his nose is the only thing that has prevented me from seeing any of his past films and I don’t regret it one bit because I feel that Wilson should pay me to look at that beak for two hours. Quite literally, it looks like a penis (please see for yourself in the included picture).
Now that I have cleared that off my chest, I am convincedthat watching Wilson as a bindler-stiff pan-handler was somewhat amusing. In his newest film, Wilson is hired to teach yuppie suburban adolescents how toprotect themselves from a white-rapping high school bully. Although there are no African Americans in this film, nothing is better than watching white kids trying to rap. That’s part of the reasons Eminem was so successful. But Drillbit Taylor’s depicted message is that it’s cool for rich white kids to actblack. And that’s a-ok with me hommie.
In this film, an Asian girl is studied like a lab rat, homeless people are scummy, white people are rich, moms are sexy, and women only desire successful men. Welcome to Suburbia, and behind each bush hides a yippie wanted for firebombing police cars in the seventies.
“Suburbia, is made up from the word, suburb and utopia*” and Drillbit Taylor, through his homelessness and bench warrants, demonstrated that sometimes suburbia, and going AWOL from the army, are not always cracked up to what they appear to be.
Freshmen high schoolers have been getting beat up since the advent of highschool though in Drillbit Taylor it looks fun. Fun? Yes, Fun. Although the blood and bruises look real,there is no way for these wounds to look better as they are juxtaposed with prim cut front yards, and white picket fences. In fact, it kind of softens thereality of how brutal public high schools are. I mean, heck, in retrospect, itis easy to look back at one’s high school experience, and laugh at the thought of being terrorized by the white-cool-kid.
A more realistic film on high school drama is Lary Clark’s 2001, Bully- filmed in Broward County,Florida. Compared to Bully, Drillbit is a silly Disney flick. Actually, not compared to Bully, Drillbit is still a silly kids flick!
I’ll be the first to admit that bullies will always exist; it’s just the “natural order of things” as a character in the movie refers. But, I should also be the first the let viewers know that this movie tries to obfuscate cultural barriers- and the weird thing is, this movie is completely void of any alternative cultures. It is monocultural and comprised of every high school stereotype that exists.
Bottom line? This movie just advocates cliques and because it does so, I highly recommend you take your children to see this!
* Suburbia, Penelope Spheeris. Actually, “suburbia” is a contortion of an urban architecture whereby people live in cookie-cut homes, and have identical ideas.
